First: The Bean
I am loving the glimpses of her personality that we
are catching. She's still a baby and very much focused on baby things like
pooping, eating and sleeping - sometimes all 3 at once, but every now and then
she'll do something that is so her. Like her scowling. She scowls so much and
seems so serious about everything. She'll scowl particularly when she's just
content and is studying something interesting or digesting her food.
She also is starting to smile quite a bit and
strangely it happens most frequently when we're changing her diaper. I know
that she's really crabby when changing her diaper can't even make her happy.
Ellie's come so far since she was born, and I'm
already missing the baby of weeks 1-2 who slept a tonne (though she still
sleeps quite a bit most days), but I'm loving that Ellie of weeks 4-5 knows how
to latch and nurse and sleeps fairly well at night.
That's one way we've really lucked out - The Bean
will sleep in 4-6 hour chunks at night, typically from 10 to 4am and then again
until 7 or 8 am and then she'll snooze and nap for the rest of the morning.
This has been great because if I want I can sleep in or get stuff done and I'm
not incredibly exhausted. When she does wake to feed in the night, she's all
business - nursed, changed and back in her nest in about 20-30 minutes. No
fussing, just sleeping.
Getting her to bed has been a different story. It's
all over the map. Sometime we're really lucky and she be asleep at 10:30pm,
usually it's about 11:30 or 12 and on the rare occasion it's 1:30 or 3am.
Usually we get one of each, each week. And we start bedtime every night at 9pm,
so it seems like we've been trying to get her to bed for an eternity! The other
day I heard about a family who has their 4 week old in bed by 8pm. I think
that's awesome, but it seems like some sort of elusive art. We try and get her
belly really full before bed so that she'll sleep for her 4-6 hours, but that
also means that I am pretty much nursing continuously from 8pm until 11 (after
that, I figure she's full so she better just sleep, and I'm pretty much dry so
nursing no longer works so well). David does a great job bouncing her to sleep
but sometimes she'll just have a 10 minute catnap and sometime she's' down for
the whole night, at this point it's a guessing game.
She is a really sweet girl who loves to be hugged
or held or put in a wrap and worn around. She's really so happy to have anyone
give her snuggles. She is lovely in that every fuss actually means something
and can be resolved (and thankfully the list of possible problems is pretty
short). Her gas is tough on her but she's getting better and working that out
as her digestive system matures. She knows her mom and her dad and I think her
Grammie (since we're the 3 that hold her most). But at this point she's not too
discerning. And Grandpa has been able to coax out a tonne of smiles.
I've taken Ellie to meet some of her baby friends
and I can't wait to watch them all grow up together. Right now she's pretty
indifferent as long as someone snuggles her. But soon I am excited for her to
be excited to play with others and to learn to share and look forward to being
with them. Then we'll learn even more about the little person Heaven has given
us.
I sing her lullabies that I heard as a kid and I
definitely got choked up that I was now a mom and singing these songs. It's
pretty much a non-stop loop of I'm a Child of God, Wishing on a Star and
American Lullaby here. And then the other day I read her some stories and again
I shed a tear of gratitude that I can do this job. She didn't look at any of
the pictures, though.
Honestly, I can hardly imagine my life without her.
I remember that is was a lot simpler but that also I didn't have anyone who
need-needed me (like their life depended on it). Ellie's life actually depends
on me in a lot of ways (though we could make due if I was hit by a bus, I
suppose). Looking at her sweet sleeping face is one of my favourite things as
she is just so girly, cute and calm. Though even her mad face is adorable.
Next: Us & Me
It's hard to make time for David and I because the
Bean is such a full-time job and when I'm not actively caring for her, I am
thinking about her or reading books about how to care for her. However, I think
once bedtime is more stable, David and I will be able to spend more time just
the two of us. He's a real champion dad who dotes on Ellie constantly. He
really like to be the hero anytime she fusses or seems sad. I have even had to
remind him that I know how to calm her too, since he's always so ready to
cuddle and soothe her.
Our evenings aren't too bad as David usually takes
the first shift of Bean Patrol until midnight and then I care for her through
the night, since I don't have to get up for work and can sleep in. He's also so
eager to snuggle her when he gets home from work that I can have a few minutes
to finish up some tasks I've half-started through the day.
Recovering from delivery has been interesting, and
not entirely pleasant or unpleasant. It was a lot slower than I thought it
would be, but one day I finally realized that I would never feel like myself if
I just stayed in bed everyday. Who knew sweeping a room could be so rewarding.
Laying down for days on end has never been my style so I try and do one thing
everyday and I have a regular rotation of chores for each day to make me feel
like I'm being productive. Sure I had to do them really slowly at first with
lots of breaks for nursing, comforting, sitting down and Epsom salt baths, but
at least I moved from one soft surface to another. The part that has been
hardest is being able to stand for any length of time - that's still a bit
painful, so I usually pace or find a perch if I need to be upright. I do have
to remind myself that I did have a baby so it's ok to take a break or delegate.
Having a mom so eager to be a grandma makes that much easier.
Well that's this month (only 7 days later). I can't wait to see what
changes will come next but I will miss the sweet newborn of month 1.
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