Holy End of a Decade

Ever since I started blogging the New Year has reliably provided an opportunity to walk down memory lane and reflect on the awesomeness/awfulness of the previous 365 days. However, this new year provides the further opportunity to reflect on the past 3650 days. Yay! I survived the 2000s or the 00s or the New Millennium or whatever it's called. It all started with my besties in Rachel's basement where we wore matching purple and silver crowns and tried to stay up all night watching movies and seeing the world celebrate the fact that Y2K didn't kill us. Unfortunately, being 13 (almost 14) and watching Notting Hill meant that we were asleep before 3 am. Not too bad. The best part of it was that is marked a time when we were friends, we were Sarah, Rachel, Vanessa, Tracey, Shruchi and Michelle. We were friends 4eva.

Unfortunately, my biggest realization of the last decade is that friends 4eva or BFFL rarely ever means that. We are down to a generous 3.5. The two no longer included have pretty much listed themselves on our own personal Do Not Call (or talk to or make eye contact with) List. In fact, throughout the decade that included my highschool and university careers, I have successfully made and lost more friends than I care to dwell on. Kind of depressing.

This morning as I debated whether it was a good idea to force another couple of hours of sleep, I tried to divine what is the reason for so many of my BFFLs going the way of the dodo, and I've come up with a few reasons.

Firstly, I have trouble maintaining friendships with people who refuse to talk to me. Fortunately, only one person has purposefully put themselves in this category however, I feel like there is a more subtle group of people who actually belong to this group because they don't return my calls.

Secondly, I have trouble maintaining friendships with people who refuse to leave the 50 metre radius that they live in (those that live far away and are physically incapable of leaving are exempted from this category). This is probably just a secondary factor of the people in the above group. However, I suppress that thought and assume that these people are actually such home bodies that they don't want to leave their apartment to do something. This is mostly a problem for me because when I go over to someone's house we inevitably watch someone else play video games or watch a movie and personally I would like there to be a little more to the relationship like going for a snack or shopping or bowling or yoga or ANYTHING outside the same old four walls. Maybe I'm being too controlling. It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that.

Thirdly, I have trouble maintaining friendships with people who have a problem with me being married. Considering the fact that I am married and have no intentions of changing that, I've pretty much accepted that these people probably weren't into the whole friendship thing anyways. And/or have be routed out before they could do any long term damage.

Fourthly, I have trouble maintaining friendships with people who straight up show no interest in friendship with me. This one I try not to take too personally but I have discovered that there is no predictor of who will self-assign themselves to this category. Maybe we've been friends for the better part of this last decade, maybe we've shared some very important life-changing moments together, maybe we've even shared a hug that lasted a bit too long, none of these have proven to be long term friendship qualifiers.

However, all is not lost in this last decade--"The decade of THE FRIEND" in my books. I have met some lovelies who have stayed away from the above categories. I have also have other lovelies who have been resilient through all the changes that come in the "prime" of ones' life. This decade has separated the men from the boys; those that I could give a kidney and those I could lend a screwdriver to (and may not get back in the future). And I guess in this last decade I've met my lifelong friend-buddy-husband. We have legally become BFFL and I think I'd have a pretty good idea if he decided he didn't want to be my friend. Fortunately, this was considered in depth and was not just a relationship of convenience and I know it will last for infinity!

I suppose the loss of friends could be quite the downer but instead of fighting on the side of futility I will carefully observe the friends that I have that are awesome and try and be the best dog-gone friend I can be, regardless of the distances between us and/or life circumstances.

So, thus my new years resolution besides that whole get fit, finish school, get a job business--I will be the best darn friend to everyone I can. And I'm starting anew. I will stop kicking the dead horse of past gone friendships and instead focus my attention on the ladies (and a few gents) who are going to be around for another decade; folks that I can count on to be up for a chat or a gathering; folks who return my calls; folks who acknowledge my presence. It's gonna be good! And I will look for new friends too, because the last decade has shown that just because you started the decade with them, doesn't mean they'll be there as the decade closes. And I think that the roaring 20s will require some serious stamina.

So instead of being kicked down by the Decade of The Friend, I am re-energized and mobilized in the cause of being a good friend. Hopefully, I do it right. I'm sure I'll make a good number of mistakes but I think my friends (future and well-loved) can handle them.

And much love and hugs to those who have already put up with me for more than a decade.

I am now armed with my lolcat

-Vanessa